Each year during Elul, the month leading up to the high holidays, the women of medieval Ashkenaz would measure each of the graves in their community cemeteries with string. They would then dip these lengths of string in melted wax that had been collected from candles lit throughout the year in the synagogue when the community gathered to pray, to study, to cook, and to connect. They would light these new candles, each made from string representing the dead and wax representing the living, on Yom Kippur as yahrzeit candles, a way of honoring and remembering deceased relatives.  

On Rosh Hashana, we will welcome a new year; and then, in the midst of the ten days of repentance that lead up to Yom Kippur, we we will reach the one-year anniversary of October 7, and with it, the anniversary of the date 1,139 people who were killed by Hamas terrorists, including some of the over 240 people who were taken hostage. We will pray for return of the remaining captives, and we will mark the start of the war that has since killed so many in Israel and Gaza.  

We have struggled to fully mourn these losses as this war continues to unfold and expand; as not all of the hostages have yet returned home; as, in North America, many of us navigate antisemitism in our communities and shifting relationships with local allies. And yet, we feel the need to grieve. The chagim offer us a pause in which we can reflect, cry, and pray.

The Shalom Hartman Institute has developed two rituals for the anniversary of October 7, one that spans most of the month of Tishrei for individuals to use at home, and one for communal gatherings on October 7 or on Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah.  

Rituals for Commemorating October 7 at Home During the Month of Tishrei

Every week, we begin Shabbat by lighting candles. Every Tishrei, we usher in Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Shemini Atzeret, and Simchat Torah by lighting candles. Our ritual for commemorating October 7 at home is woven into these traditions. 

More specifically, for each holiday and Shabbat evening in Tishrei, we suggest that you light a memorial candle before kindling the holiday and Shabbat lights. We offer an intention to recite before lighting this candle each night and a short text to read afterward. These materials, inspired by the work of Hagit Bartuv and Rivka Rosner of the Shalom Hartman Institute’s Ritual Center in Israel and in collaboration with Jessica Fisher, Maital Friedman, and Masua Sagiv from the Shalom Hartman Institute of North America, connect us with some of the central themes of the last year.  

Our hope is that the light of the memorial candle, the ner neshama, literally a soul candle, and light of the festive candles flickering together will connect the strands of our grief and celebration.  

Like the candles dipped by the women of Eastern Europe, this ritual honors both the dead and the living. It brings us back to the devastation of October 7, and it also celebrates the artists, soldiers, teachers, and ordinary people who helped us through a difficult year. Similarly, while memorial candles are traditionally lit to remember the dead, the ritual also invites us to use these candles to light the way for the living—for peace, healing, and hope. 

While many Israeli Jews light candles on seven evenings from Rosh Hashanah through Simchat Torah, many diaspora Jews light candles on nine, the two additional candles marking the second night of Sukkot and for the start of Simchat Torah. As a statement of Jewish peoplehood, this home-based ritual is for seven nights of candle lighting, so that it will be used in Jewish homes around the world on the same days. If you want to use this ritual to accompany your candle lighting on the second night of Sukkot or on erev Simchat Torah, you might repeat an intention and text or offer an intention and reflection of your own. 

Developing this ritual led us to ask about the meaning of memorializing October 7. Is this ritual only about October 7 or it it about everything that occurred that day and since? What do we mean by “heroism” at this time? Are we referring to military bravery or to the ways civilians stepped up to support and protect one another this year as well? Can the entire Jewish world share this one ritual, or have our experiences of this year been too different? What is the right balance between particularistic and universalistic yearnings?  

For many of these questions, we looked to our Israeli colleagues to set the tone in creating a ritual that met their needs for their grief and vulnerability this year, as well as their sources of hope and comfort. For other elements, we offer suggestions to adapt the framing or created a slightly different version in the English that we thought might be better suited for those outside of Israel. You may want to use this resource exactly as is, but you may also find yourself adding different texts or focusing on different themes. We encourage creativity and would love to hear from you about how you adapt it to meet your needs for this moment.  

Resources for Communal Rituals Commemorating October 7 

Many communities in North America will gather to mark the anniversary of October 7, whether in synagogues, JCCs, Jewish Federations, Hillels, schools, or other Jewish community centers. Our second resource is a collection of texts and prayers to be used in a communal ritual context, including suggestions of three different ways to use these rituals in your community.  

The supplement also gave us the opportunity to add more texts, prayers, and perspectives, including texts with expressions of grief for the suffering of Palestinian civilians, which did not fit in the more particularistic framework of the home ritual above. 

This Elul, as we reflect on the past year and gather up the wicks that measure our lives and our communities, may we continue to find ways to bind our wicks together, to find strength in community and ritual, and may all who mourn this tragic anniversary find comfort among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem. Shanah tovah.

Read and download Memory and Hope: Rituals for Tishrei 5785 and accompanying resources for commemorating October 7 in community. See our full range of programs and resources for October 7 commemorations here.